Shame blocks the feelings of our own goodness

Shame is one of the biggest blockers of our ability to really be with ourselves and find our own goodness and love for our inner hidden selves and for our bodies. Shame can make so many of our parts feel ugly and unlovable and even inaccessible. Shame tells us that part(s) of us are unworthy of being seen or loved or shared. We then suppress those parts of ourselves that are “unlovable” and that mutes our larger expression of self.

Shame & intimacy & sex

This shows up in intimacy and sexuality in a number of ways too and is caused by a number of things we experience in our lifetimes including trauma and abuse. Shame can make us hide the ways in which we show intimacy, hide our bodies from people we are intimate with, or feel immense discomfort in between seen or touched in intimacy. It can make it very hard to receive loving touch even when it’s safe and unconditional. We might knowingly or unknowingly always cover some parts of our bodies with our arms, or unable to receive sexual touch often. We might feel shame in initiating touch because we might think our touch is unwelcome and unloved and unappreciated. This can create a lot of sadness and grief and frustration when we really want to access our own goodness and connect with partners and lovers in intimacy and sex, but our bodies feel shutdown and distant, or we are unable to be in our bodies and feel trapped in our heads or in our past.

How to converse with shame

Undoing shame is full of pain and grief but just as full of joy and liberation of our bodies from the shame that has held us back for so long. I will guide you through painful and rewarding and liberating cycles of acceptance, grief, and joy. We must learn to witness and accept our own shame before we are even able to have a conversation with the shame. We must grieve the ways our hurt taught us our shame that we are now able to witness and accept and have conversations with. And through the lightness of grieving our bodies and trauma and hurt, our bodies reward us with presence and joy and a feeling of goodness starts to radiate out from within our bodies. It’s the most rewarding feeling of lightness when we get there even though the process of getting there can feel scary and painful.